Get all 6 The Great Gambino releases available on Bandcamp and save 50%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of The Great Gambino Presents: The Yummy Years, 1999-2009, One Day Left To Live, A Hectic Shift At The Ponderosa Steakhouse, Barrington Not Included, Tonight We Dine At Cumberland Farms, and Woonsocket Motor Inn.
1. |
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We made fun of your musical taste for so long
Now you’re gone
John Denver, Billy Joel
Posthumous duet CD of Nat King Cole
For Leon Redbone there was no excuse
Melissa Manchester was child abuse
Sappy stories from Harry Chapin
From Carly Simon there was no escapin’
James Taylor, we ridiculed the most
But now that you’ve become a ghost
Suddenly sentimental of the man
Often heard during dental exams
Or in the market checkout line
There’s “Carolina In My Mind”
For many years he was not my thing
But now his music’s comforting
He may be lame but he’s a national treasure
So, I’ll allow myself one guilty pleasure
It’s okay to like James Taylor
Nothing wrong with a lil’ JT
If you’ve never heard Never Die Young
Then babe, I’m afraid, you’re not the girl for me
It’s okay to like James Taylor
Shout out loud that you adore JT
It don’t matter if you’re hip young punks
Or aging, upper-middle class yuppies
If you’re into feeling blue
JT may be right for you
There’s no need to feel ashamed
About your adoration for Sweet Baby James
Long ago and far away
On some country road you’d play
“Mockingbird” over and over again
For me and Ben in your Datsun 210
It’s okay to like James Taylor
How sweet it is to idolize JT
Shower the people who ain’t fans with contempt
But if you’re a fan you’ve got a friend in me
It’s okay to like James Taylor
They’re not your pals if they insult JT
Something in the way he plays that J-50
Something in the way that his songs move me
In a world of easy listening
JT has been crowned the king
If you can get over yourself
You’ll add Mudslide Slim to your record shelf
I know you couldn’t give me much
But if you can hear this know that’ve I’ve been touched by
“Copperline” maybe a million times
Memories under a new moon shine
It’s okay to like James Taylor
Nothing wrong with a lil’ JT
If you’ve never heard Never Die Young
Then babe, I’m afraid, you’re not the girl for me
It’s okay to like James Taylor
Shout out loud that you adore JT
It don’t matter if you’re hip young punks
Or aging, upper-middle class yuppies
It’s okay to like James Taylor
How sweet it is to idolize JT
Shower the people who ain’t fans with contempt
But if you’re a fan you’ve got a friend in me
It’s okay to like James Taylor
They’re not your pals if they insult JT
Something in the way he plays that J-50
Something in the way that his songs move me
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2. |
One Day Left To Live
03:47
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He stood there somber
I said, “Doc, what gives?”
The results came in
I got one day left to live
Declined counseling
I’ll be okay
Or I will, at least
For just another day
One day left to live
One day left to deal
One final breath
One final meal
One wild ride
Or was it a mess?
Do I go out dancing
Or stay in undressed?
No point in picking up
That stuff from the store
The show’s almost over
I can’t binge anymore
Maybe I’ll reconnect
With old girlfriends
Have them love me again
Up until the day ends
One day left to live
One day left to ‘til you mourn
One man full of bitterness
Resentment and scorn
One wild guy
Who kept to himself
Whom up until now
Had been in pretty good health
Fill my final hours
With merriment and mirth
I mean, may as well
Been miserable since birth
Should I clean the house
Should I plan my wake
And hope God overlooks
My lifetime of mistakes?
One day left to live
One day left to sigh
No reason to mope around
Wishing I would die
One manly physique
And one trophy wife
I’ll be sure to request
Once I reach the afterlife
Tragically the road
Only takes us so far
Just started season four
Won’t find out who shot JR
Won’t walk my daughter down
Won’t see my grandkids grow
I’ve reached a dead end
And the credit sequence of the Big Show
One day left to live
One day left to deal
One final breath
One final meal
One wild ride
Or was it a mess?
Do I go out dancing
Or stay in undressed?
Should I go out dancing
Or stay home?
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3. |
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Back in high school I barely left my room
I was quite content wallowing in teenage gloom
My hobby was watching tv in bed all day
Until my parents made me spruce up my college resume’
I was busy drowning in a sea of despair
When my father said he signed me up for the science fair
Could have killed him but that would have required leaving the bed
So, I sucked it up and went to the first meeting instead
A kid like me in a club like this was quite absurd
I met Mr. Herbert, the teacher, who was King of the Nerds
He said we’ll learn complex scientific theories to great extent
And at the end of the semester we all must present…
High school science fair experiment
High school science fair experiment
Your projects must be researched and evidence based
I expect proficiency at the annual science showcase
High school science fair experiment
High school science fair experiment
Your greatest potential must be well on display
Don’t embarrass me with subpar amateur projects on fair day
High school science fair experiment
Back in the classroom kids were getting to work
Freshening up on quantum theory, meanwhile the jerk
Feeling hopeless was me, also hopelessly lazy
Left the class, went home, and watched reruns of Laverne and Shirley
Figured that I had the rest of the semester to complete
A project so good Mr. Herbert would fall out of his seat
One that was sure to leave those science geeks all gasping in awe
But what I ended up submitting was last minute and flawed
I was debating whether to watch Oprah or Donahue
When I realized I was screwed and that our project was due
So, I searched the house for craft supplies and found some Play-Doh
And in less than 30 minutes I sculpted a volcano
High school science fair experiment
High school science fair experiment
At the bottom placed a Kenner figure of Yoda
Funny watching him get covered in vinegar and baking soda
High school science fair experiment
High school science fair experiment
It looked kind of cool for completely half-assed
Delusional to think I might impress the science dorks in my class
High school science fair experiment
The day of the science fair everyone looked sharp
Except for me hair messy looked like I got dressed in the dark
Mr. Herbert in a suit was appraising our projects
First Bob who built a cyborg out of common household objects
Next Zelda who made a rocket and shot herself into space
Then Dick who produced DNA evidence solving the Black Dahlia case
Then Claire who spied on a Russian military base with a homemade drone
Then Poindexter who revealed he was successfully cloned
As Mr. Herbert approached me there was nowhere to hide
Nearly pissed inside my button-flies was so petrified
He took one look at my volcano turned beet red and bug-eyed
And he belittled me in front of the whole class and I cried
High school science fair experiment
High school science fair experiment
I thought for sure I had it made in the shade
But Mr. Herbert said volcanoes not accepted past the third grade
High school science fair experiment
High school science fair experiment
The look on his face was one of pure white hate
As I had a mental breakdown right in front of all my classmates
High school science fair experiment
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4. |
City Livin’
02:30
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Disheveled man overdressed
Urinating by his tent
Attractive girl walking dog
Carrying a bag of excrement
Ahh city livin’
Ahh city livin’
Subway rats seen better days
In varying stages of decay
Platform reeks like a murder scene
Some psycho randomly screams
Ahh city livin’
Ahh city livin’
Prewar walkup, musty smell
Five grand a month for an 8x10 cell
These old streets once were slums
Now home to ivy league alums
Ahh city livin’
Ahh city livin’
Sewage backup by the morning light
Cockroach swimming in your bath at night
Pleasant stroll in the park at noon
Inhaling carbon monoxide fumes
Ahh city livin’
Ahh city livin’
Ahh city livin’
Ahh city livin’
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5. |
Dish Pan Hands
03:14
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My wife wakes up at five o’clock each morning
Has a protein shake then hits the gym
Then works twelve hours as a neurosurgeon
While I spend all day watching Lancelot Secret Chimp
Only have a few weeks left of unemployment
I should probably start working on my resume’
But I’m way too invested in watching bread dough rise
And mastering the art of modern macramé
She used to elate me
Now she just berates me
Verbally castrates me
And emasculates me
Gotta figure out a way
To feel more like a man
First I gotta do something
‘bout these dish pan hands
My wife got home after working a triple
Caught me counting the cracks in the ceiling again
I told her I applied for several positions
But I really just played Xbox all day in the den
I said, “Baby, I promise that all day tomorrow
I’ll do laundry, wash the dishes, even cook ya food”
She just kicked off her shoes and put her feet up
Without any hesitation said
“Whatever, dude”
She used to elate me
Now she just berates me
Verbally castrates me
And emasculates me
Gotta figure out a way
To feel more like a man
First I gotta do something
‘bout these dish pan hands
She said, “I don’t mean to be crass
But I’ll be leaving your ass
If I come home tomorrow and this house is not spick and span”
She said, “your back should be sore
I should smell Mr. Clean on the floor
And I am expecting to see the vasoconstriction of your hands”
She used to elate me
Now she just berates me
Verbally castrates me
And emasculates me
Gotta figure out a way
To feel more like a man
First I gotta do something
‘bout these dish pan hands
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6. |
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I could kill the guy who told me that
This is the town where you can make it
But it’s hard to find the energy
For murder when you’re naked
In an alley drunk again
No career, no dough, no friends
Pawned your car for a guitar
Pawned the guitar, paid the bar
I could hear the door chime, I could see
The other drunks sit up and stare
At an Anglo-looking man
With wild flowing orange hair
He said he used to be in films
But he don’t make them anymore
My eyes lit up, I yelled his name
Someone pulled me up off the floor
I was drunk and delirious
In a bar in Branson, Missouri
I met Yahoo Serious
In a bar in Branson, Missouri
Some wino said, “no way that’s him
That man right there is an imposter!”
I said, “Bud, you’re dead wrong
Did you see he just ordered a Fosters?”
I asked him, “Mate, what brings you here?”
He said, “to seek a new career
When days as an auteur are done
Settle for wholesome family fun”
“Barkeeper, how ‘bout a Jägermeister
for me and my friend?
screw those shots fill pint glasses
up to the top, we won’t say when”
“Critics took a crap on me
third-rate Crocodile Dundee
Young Einstein helped pay the rent
But ranks at thirty-six percent.”
I was drunk and delirious
In a bar in Branson, Missouri
I met Yahoo Serious
In a bar in Branson, Missouri
He lost his fame, he lost his home
I have no name, I sleep alone
He lost his shirt, he lost his soul
I’m caked with dirt, gave up on goals
He lost his pride, he lost his girl
I live outside with rats and squirrels
He lost his fans, laughed out of town
I tried to stand, I fell right down
I was drunk and delirious
In a bar in Branson, Missouri
I met Yahoo Serious
In a bar in Branson, Missouri
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7. |
Martian Meet & Greet
02:44
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We’re gettin’ funky down at Area 51
At the Martian Meet & Greet
Shakin’ our antennae in the sun
At the Martian Meet & Greet
Spit roastin’ a Soviet
At the Martian Meet & Greet
Take me to your liter of Coronet
At the Martian Meet & Greet
We may have tentacles and V-shaped beaks
But that don’t mean we got two left feet
At the Martian Meet & Greet
Martian Meet & Greet
We barbecue all the people we kill
At the Martian Meet & Greet
Use our heat rays to light the grill
At the Martian Meet & Greet
Doctor Sevrin brought stuff that’s off the chains
At the Martian Meet & Greet
Destroying the cells of our exposed brains
At the Martian Meet & Greet
Cornelius is crashing and he’s yelling YOLO
As the DJ’s rockin’ a theremin solo
At the Martian Meet & Greet
Martian Meet & Greet
We’re gettin’ freaky down at Area 51
At the Martian Meet & Greet
Lighting fireworks with our ray guns
At the Martian Meet & Greet
Uncle Martin’s here and we just let Spock in
At the Martian Meet & Greet
If the space ship’s rockin’ don’t bother knockin’
At the Martian Meet & Greet
And when I’m done conquering the world
I’ll dance all night with my little green girl
At the Martian Meet & Greet
Martian Meet & Greet
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8. |
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When they cleared the woods a bunch of Snowflakes moaned
Too bad, Bambi, gotta find a new home
Mother Nature, it wasn’t such a bad exchange
You only lost a few trees, I gained a dazzling domain
They go on and on like a bunch of whiny asses
Some hocus pocus about emitting greenhouse gases
But none of us will be here when the world implodes
So just let me love our humble, prefabricated abode
It’s our jaw droppingly beautiful McMansion
Men outside landscaping the yard
Jaw droppingly beautiful McMansion
The wife makes sure they’re working hard
Jaw droppingly beautiful McMansion
Jorge’s out gardening today
Jaw droppingly beautiful McMansion
Extra-wide hammock’s where I lay
Hired the best developers, spared no expense
Yet they complain it makes no architectural sense
No form or scale, but who really cares
In five years, I’ll flip it be a billionaire
We built above a historic burial ground
They tried to stop us, but we paid off the town
All the trees that you see have been strategically placed
And we filled in wetlands for one extra parking space
At our jaw droppingly beautiful McMansion
Outside relaxing in the shade
Jaw droppingly beautiful McMansion
I’ll have the maid bring lemonade
Jaw droppingly beautiful McMansion
She’s like my own personal slave
Jaw droppingly beautiful McMansion
The neighbor’s pass, I smile and wave
They came equipped with blueprints, materials, and tools
To create a union of many architectural schools
We got crystal chandeliers and Cristal on tap
May be too big for the neighborhood, but who gives a crap
When you’ve got amenities mainly seen at high end resorts
Like Olympic sized swimming pools and racket ball courts
We tried city livin’, didn’t suit us at all
So, we’re setting down into a suburban sprawl
In our jaw droppingly beautiful McMansion
The children have a separate wing
Jaw droppingly beautiful McMansion
So wife and I can do our thing
Jaw droppingly beautiful McMansion
May think you’re seeing a mirage
Jaw droppingly beautiful McMansion
When you see our twelve-car garage
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9. |
Sweatin’ Like A Pig
03:44
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Oh my God, here comes the girl I like
Don’t want her to see me on this child’s bike
I missed a few payments and they took my whip
Condensation dripping from my upper lip
Sweatin’ like a pig, sweatin’ like a pig
Sweatin’ like a pig, sweatin’ like a pig
At the bar completely tossed
Just my luck in walks the boss
Called out sick ‘cause I wanted to drink
Underarms leaking like a faulty sink
Sweatin’ like a pig, sweatin’ like a pig
Sweatin’ like a pig, sweatin’ like a pig
Me, she’s no longer admiring
Need a job, who’s hiring?
Meanwhile I’m still perspiring
Me, she’s no longer admiring
Need a job, who’s hiring?
Meanwhile I’m still perspiring
Perspiring, perspiring
Messing around with another man’s dame
She informs me he’s far from sane
He found out about her infidelity
Sweat flowin’ like the falls at Yosemite
Sweatin’ like a pig, sweatin’ like a pig
Sweatin’ like a pig, sweatin’ like a pig
Interviewing for a new career
Potential boss with the look of fear
“Regret to inform you, you failed the BCI”
Blotting my forehead with my clip-on tie
Sweatin’ like a pig, sweatin’ like a pig
Sweatin’ like a pig, sweatin’ like a pig
My life may soon be expiring
Checkered past, so tiring
Meanwhile I’m still perspiring
My life may soon be expiring
Checkered past, so tiring
Meanwhile I’m still perspiring
Perspiring, perspiring
Sweatin’ like a pig, sweatin’ like a pig
Sweatin’ like a pig, sweatin’ like a pig
Sweatin’ like a pig, sweatin’ like a pig
Sweatin’ like a pig, sweatin’ like a pig
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10. |
Puttin’ Up With Fitz
03:52
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Fitz arrived one day when I was just a young impressionable kid
He told me to push the old lady off the overpass and I did
He tells me jump, I ask how high
Gets off on making babies cry
Shoots mockingbirds out of the sky
Then cackles madly as they die
Since we both were little shits
I’ve been puttin’ up with Fitz
In my skull he digs his mitts
I’ve been puttin’ up with Fitz
Drags me deep down in the pits
I’ve been puttin’ up with Fitz
In the face of God he spits
I’ve been puttin’ up with Fitz
And I don’t dig him one bit
He is evil incarnate
Spent some time in juvie hall for all the crimes Fitz urged me to commit
Like crashing into the daycare center with only a learner’s permit
Or when he made me light a flame
And toss it down the sewer drain
A fire spread, like maniacs
We burned down half a cul-de-sac
Since we both were little shits
I’ve been puttin’ up with Fitz
In my skull he digs his mitts
I’ve been puttin’ up with Fitz
Drags me deep down in the pits
I’ve been puttin’ up with Fitz
In the face of God he spits
I’ve been puttin’ up with Fitz
And I don’t dig him one bit
He is evil incarnate
I jumped right off the Crook Point Bridge
I locked myself in some old fridge
I sliced my wrist until it bled
In the oven I placed my head
I hung myself along the path
I took a toaster to the bath
I shot myself right in the face
Put ricin in my bouillabaisse
I held my breath ‘til I turned blue
I stabbed my eyes with a corkscrew
I laid out on the railroad track
Smoked a lethal amount of crack
On a gas pipe I wrapped my lips
Directly stared at an eclipse
I swallowed bleach, drank turpentine
But nothing seems to get Fitz out of my mind
Since we both were little shits
I’ve been puttin’ up with Fitz
In my skull he digs his mitts
I’ve been puttin’ up with Fitz
Drags me deep down in the pits
I’ve been puttin’ up with Fitz
In the face of God he spits
I’ve been puttin’ up with Fitz
And I don’t dig him one bit
He is evil incarnate
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11. |
Nobody Cares
05:06
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Twenty-five years is a long time to be ignored
It’s harder to make a song rhyme when you’re bored
Stage lights sting in a nearly empty bar
Crickets softly chirping from afar
Nobody cares, nobody cares
Nobody gives a shit
Can’t be a star, toss my guitar
In the garbage pit
Nobody cares, nobody cares
Nobody gives a fuck
Creatively stuck, maybe bad luck
Or maybe I just fuckin’ suck
Now that you’ve heard the chorus, it should be clear
If this song plays in the forest no one will hear
No screaming girls when I walk through town
Wingtips frown see six feet underground
Nobody cares, nobody cares
Nobody gives a shit
Way past my prime, perhaps it’s time
That I finally quit
Nobody cares, nobody cares
Nobody gives a crap
Amplifier scrapped, removing my strap
Well I guess that’s a wrap
If you have the time, buddy, do you think
You could let me know if I shine or stink?
Will you listen to my stuff the whole way through?
Will you write a review, will you praise my debut?
If I quit right now will I let down my
Five followers on Spotify?
Will I live to tell my grandkids that
They should not check their Bandcamp stats?
Nobody cares, nobody cares
Nobody gives a shit
Can’t be a star, toss my guitar
In the garbage pit
Nobody cares, nobody cares
Nobody gives a fuck
Creatively stuck, maybe bad luck
Or maybe I just fuckin’ suck
Nobody cares
I’m bored
Goodbye
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The Great Gambino Providence, Rhode Island
Rock Musician or Schlock Magician?
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