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Tonight We Dine At Cumberland Farms

by The Great Gambino

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1.
Unnerving Cardboard Cutout 02:00
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Every night when I get home I forget there’s a figure standing in the window He’s not a murderer, he’s not a raper He’s just a man made of corrugated paper Unnerving cardboard cutout Unnerving cardboard cutout Unnerving cardboard cutout Unnerving cardboard cutout Spooks the neighbors when they walk by He’s recycled paper products not a real guy He won’t abduct you or hold you for ransom He’s just a life-sized standee of Ted Danson Unnerving cardboard cutout Unnerving cardboard cutout Unnerving cardboard cutout Unnerving cardboard cutout
2.
Men Who Cook 02:07
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It’s the fundraiser of the century Raising money for a brand-new church nativity What a crazy idea To let unsophisticated buffoons Crowd in a woman’s favorite room This can’t possibly be real Watching men prepare a meal Men who cook I can’t believe they let men into the kitchen tonight Men who cook Men with spatulas and aprons, such a silly sight Men who cook Men who cook Deluxe edition depending on the dough we raise Those disciple statues do not come cheap these days Someone give me a pinch Men cooking without female chaperones We must be in the Twilight Zone An astonishing display Watching the boys bake French Soufflé Men who cook I can’t believe they let men into the kitchen tonight Men who cook Men with wooden spoons and sauce pans, such a silly sight Men who cook Men who cook Men who cook Men who cook
3.
Tonight 02:41
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It’s the anniversary Of my baby and me Unfortunately, no monies Thanks to our collective advanced degrees Can’t wine Can’t dine Credit Declined My bank account has bought the farm So tonight we dine at Cumberland Farms Bill collectors up in arms So tonight we dine at Cumberland Farms Tonight we dine at Cumberland Farms I swear to God some day We’ll dine in decadence But until that day we pray For a healthy inheritance Paid bills Paid rent Net worth One cent My bank account has bought the farm So tonight, we dine at Cumberland Farms Bill collectors up in arms So tonight, we dine at Cumberland Farms Tonight, we dine at Cumberland Farms Let’s put on our best outfits The clothes with fewest holes And if the car starts up We’ll avoid highway routes with tolls We’ll close our eyes and fantasize of fancy bistros by the sea But in reality, we purchase processed food on EBT Processed food on EBT On our anniversary
4.
No White After Labor Day 01:44
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You can steal a baby from an orphanage Orphanage Blast Slayer way past the town noise ordinance Ordinance Let the children play with matches Cut the label off the mattress Fill the woods with packing peanuts Toss the body in the sea But No white after Labor Day Labor Day No white after Labor Day Labor Day No white after Labor Day Labor Day No white after Labor Day Spread a bunch of broken glass on teacher’s seat Teacher’s seat Swipe the bag of some old bird on Bleecker Street Bleecker Street Drop mothballs in the Minestrone Ride your puppy like a pony Wife’s asleep, give her a haircut Then run off with the Au Pair But No white after Labor Day Labor Day No white after Labor Day Labor Day No white after Labor Day Labor Day No white after Labor Day After Labor Day Bring books back late to the library Molotov a monastery Stick tacks in Halloween candy Spike the AA punch with brandy Kick your kitty, make a field goal Push the mailman down a manhole Offer diabetics donuts Throw a brick through a window But No white after Labor Day Labor Day No white after Labor Day Labor Day No white after Labor Day Labor Day No white
5.
World’s Best Landlord 02:36
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He trims the hedges with a friendly smile Goes the extra mile when he calks our tile Upgraded our toilet with a cushioned seat And places Andes on our pillows for a bedtime treat He’s the world’s best landlord He’s the world’s best landlord He’s the world’s best landlord He’s the world’s best landlord Salutations to you, John Are the words he uses when he mows our lawn When it snows he’s quick to shovel out my car And he even helps me program my VCR He’s the world’s best landlord He’s the world’s best landlord He’s the world’s best landlord He’s the world’s best landlord When it was time for us to buy our own home Broke down in tears breaking the news on the phone Tender warm embracing on the day we moved out He gave us our deposit in the full amount He’s the world’s best landlord He’s the world’s best landlord He’s the world’s best landlord The world’s best landlord
6.
I Ruined Your Wedding 03:44
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Connecticut Fall scenery is so lovely Foliage enjoyed by people with money Months prior received the invite that stunned me Marked my calendar: wedding of my ex-honey Groom’s such a great guy, full head of hair Looks like he works out, looks quite debonair She brought up that time at the Renaissance Fair As he shook my hand, I shook in despair At an old banquet hall in Redding, hall in Redding, hall in Redding I ruined your wedding, ruined your wedding, ruined your wedding Old banquet hall in Redding, hall in Redding, hall in Redding I ruined your wedding, ruined your wedding, ruined your wedding In the warm, early Fall, New England air The bride takes the alter, I slump in my chair Vows are recited, rings are exchanged Occurred to me that we’d been 10 years estranged Until the day you met me at the café Had called with the news about my fiancé Just needed an old friend I could talk to Believe I stopped breathing when you said, “I do” At an old banquet hall in Redding, hall in Redding, hall in Redding I ruined your wedding, ruined your wedding, ruined your wedding Old banquet hall in Redding, hall in Redding, hall in Redding I ruined your wedding, ruined your wedding, ruined your wedding Told myself one drink, don’t act bitter or mean But Tom Collins 1 became Tom Collins 14 My poor coordination and clowning around Caused the whole wedding cake to come tumbling down The tears that you shed are what I regret most From my impromptu, unsolicited toast From my understanding the very last straw Was when I put the moves on your mother-in-law At an old banquet hall in Redding, hall in Redding, hall in Redding I ruined your wedding, ruined your wedding, ruined your wedding Old banquet hall in Redding, hall in Redding, hall in Redding I ruined your wedding, ruined your wedding, ruined your wedding Old banquet hall in Redding, hall in Redding, hall in Redding I ruined your wedding, ruined your wedding, ruined your wedding

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The second EP album-thing by Le Grand Gambino.

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released October 18, 2019

Le Grand Gambino plays classical guitar, acoustic bass guitar, drums, keyboards, and sings.

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The Great Gambino Providence, Rhode Island

Rock Musician or Schlock Magician?

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