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A Hectic Shift At The Ponderosa Steakhouse

by The Great Gambino

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1.
Roadside Memorial (To Some Guy Who Died) 03:40
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I was late for work speeding down the Wampanoag Trail Texting my boss, fixing my tie, I nearly scraped the side rail Nearly mowed down a small group gathered near the breakdown lane Who appeared to all be feeling intense emotional pain A grieving mom begging God to save her son’s soul Stuffed animals tied to a telephone pole Road side road side road side memorial To some guy who died There was still blood spattered on the rt 114 sign After work when I pulled over to investigate the shrine Of a young man who tragically met his untimely fate Swerving to miss a possum crossing the perilous interstate A passerby yelled out their window, “Sorry for your loss” Prayer candles flickering around a makeshift plywood cross Road side road side road side memorial To some guy who died Time has washed away the sadness The grieving mom grieves less and less Her frown has been turned upside down Floral bouquets have dried and browned Faded photos have blown away Stuffed animals damp and in decay The makeshift plywood cross, cracked and rotten Prayer candles melted down Forgotten Road side road side road side memorial To some guy who To some guy who To some guy who died
2.
Bad Neighborhood 02:47
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I’m in a bad neighborhood I think my wallet got nabbed Think I’m about to get stabbed I’m in a bad neighborhood Shady folks shooting craps Hoodlums stealing my hubcaps I’m in a bad neighborhood Sneakers hanging from phone wires Piles of discarded tires I’m in a bad neighborhood Apartment windows with bars Abandoned dismantled cars This is by far the grittiest Not to mention shittiest Section of the state I believe a woman of the evening Just propositioned me for a date I’m in a bad neighborhood Rows of boarded up shops Man getting tasered by cops I’m in a bad neighborhood Graffiti painted on walls Alleys used as bathroom stalls I’m in a bad neighborhood Gunshots are a common sound Used needles litter the ground I’m in a bad neighborhood Liquor store on every block Dead body outlined in chalk Foot traffic is nonstop At the check cash and pawn shop Due to the secret room in the back All you need is the password To proceed with the transfer Of monetary items for crack I’ve been harassed by winos I’ve been chased by pit bulls And held up with a switch blade knife Now the sun's going down Having a nervous breakdown Completely terrified for my life I'm in a bad neighborhood
3.
I Bought A Shirt At L.L. Bean 03:06
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Invite to formal occasion Wife had to use persuasion However her approach a little mean Not a choice but obligation And without hesitation Said, “For once, try to look dignified and clean” So I bought a shirt at L.L. Bean Wife thinks I’m disgusting When she sees me adjusting My "Coed Naked" shirt from age 13 At our engagement party I tried to wear an Ed Hardy Her maid of honor had to intervene So I bought a shirt at L.L. Bean I’ve earned the right to wear skin tight Faded t-shirt with Rainbow Brite Iron-on at work, I’ve paid my dues Zoom meetings, home office space Colleagues can’t see below my waist They can’t see I’m wearing ALF Underoos Boss says I look like a slob If I want to keep my job I’ll look presentable when on the screen During harsh economic times Must avoid unemployment lines Must keep my job and work on my hygiene So I'll buy a shirt at L.L. Bean Wife just served me papers Citing my noxious vapors And pretty soon divorce court will convene My lawyer said, “Please understand If you dress like an unkempt man The judge will see your payments are obscene" So I'll buy a shirt at L.L. Bean
4.
A Hectic Shift At The Ponderosa Steakhouse 04:45
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I’m just a bus boy, I’ve got no clout But the wait staff, The kitchen staff All called out And the managers, the bartenders Have come down with the flu No cashiers, no dishwashers What the hell am I gonna do? I’ve never cooked a meal Or waited a table in my life And I’m barely even a bus boy This is only my second night Stomach's upset, I start to sweat I’m panicked to the core As a line of hungry customers Start pounding on the door A hectic, hectic, hectic shift at The Ponderosa Steakhouse Table one wants more buns Table two wants tiramisu Table three needs cutlery Table four wants more soup du jour Table five wants sharper knives Table six needs more bread sticks Table seven, party of eleven Demanding their plates, while the dinner date On table 8, in need of more wine Table nine, are doing just fine But table 10, complaining again Table 11, beggin' for more lemon While table 12 about to delve Into birthday cake after having their steak Table 13 is causing a scene Never got refills, ripping up their bill A hectic, hectic, hectic shift at The Ponderosa Steakhouse Under unmistakable duress I set the tables I served the guests I seasoned and grilled endless slabs of beef I tossed the salads I baked potatoes I spun in circles like a human tornado Without mercy or moment of relief Placed parsley on each plate for a pleasant display I stocked the buffet all day without delay Needless to say this shift has been surreal Just as I thought it was safe to close the doors Count the cash, clock out Crawl back home and keel Over The president of the company Accompanied by his family Came in for a meal A hectic, hectic, hectic shift at The Ponderosa Steakhouse
5.
Delilah, Delilah 04:21
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Delilah, Delilah It’s been a rough year Got into some trouble and lost my career However the worst has yet to come, I fear Delilah, Delilah I’m full of regret Can’t put down the bottle, I’m drowning in debt My kids call me disparaging epithets Delilah, My dear When nothing brings cheer You’re willing to lend an empathetic ear With earnest advice always concise and clear Delilah, my sweet Delightfully upbeat You’ve moved my therapist to the backseat You’ve rendered my psychiatrist obsolete Delilah, Delilah, Delilah! Delilah, Delilah My puppy dog died I witnessed her death when I let her outside When that tractor flattened her Lord, how I cried Delilah, Delilah My cat died as well She hid inside the recliner, couldn’t tell Came home from work one night Noticed the smell Delilah, My dear When nothing brings cheer You’re willing to lend an empathetic ear With earnest advice always concise and clear Delilah, my sweet Delightfully upbeat You’ve moved my therapist to the backseat You’ve rendered my psychiatrist obsolete Delilah, Delilah, Delilah! Delilah, Delilah Now about my wife She slipped and she fell And landed on my knife She faced her destiny I’m facing life Delilah, Delilah Must be a mistake They nabbed me right in the middle of the wake Alone in some room with one phone call to make Delilah, My dear When nothing brings cheer You’re willing to lend an empathetic ear With earnest advice always concise and clear Delilah, my sweet Delightfully upbeat You’ve moved my therapist to the backseat You’ve rendered my psychiatrist obsolete Delilah, Delilah, Delilah! Delilah, Delilah, Delilah!

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The 4th collection of tunes by Le Grand Gambino.

Written, recorded, mixed between January and May of 2021.

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released July 16, 2021

Le Grand Gambino plays classical guitar, acoustic bass guitar, drums, organ, and sings like an angel.

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The Great Gambino Providence, Rhode Island

Rock Musician or Schlock Magician?

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