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High School Science Fair Experiment

from One Day Left To Live by The Great Gambino

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lyrics

Back in high school I barely left my room
I was quite content wallowing in teenage gloom
My hobby was watching tv in bed all day
Until my parents made me spruce up my college resume’
I was busy drowning in a sea of despair
When my father said he signed me up for the science fair
Could have killed him but that would have required leaving the bed
So, I sucked it up and went to the first meeting instead

A kid like me in a club like this was quite absurd
I met Mr. Herbert, the teacher, who was King of the Nerds
He said we’ll learn complex scientific theories to great extent
And at the end of the semester we all must present…

High school science fair experiment
High school science fair experiment

Your projects must be researched and evidence based
I expect proficiency at the annual science showcase

High school science fair experiment
High school science fair experiment

Your greatest potential must be well on display
Don’t embarrass me with subpar amateur projects on fair day

High school science fair experiment

Back in the classroom kids were getting to work
Freshening up on quantum theory, meanwhile the jerk
Feeling hopeless was me, also hopelessly lazy
Left the class, went home, and watched reruns of Laverne and Shirley
Figured that I had the rest of the semester to complete
A project so good Mr. Herbert would fall out of his seat
One that was sure to leave those science geeks all gasping in awe
But what I ended up submitting was last minute and flawed

I was debating whether to watch Oprah or Donahue
When I realized I was screwed and that our project was due
So, I searched the house for craft supplies and found some Play-Doh
And in less than 30 minutes I sculpted a volcano

High school science fair experiment
High school science fair experiment

At the bottom placed a Kenner figure of Yoda
Funny watching him get covered in vinegar and baking soda

High school science fair experiment
High school science fair experiment

It looked kind of cool for completely half-assed
Delusional to think I might impress the science dorks in my class

High school science fair experiment

The day of the science fair everyone looked sharp
Except for me hair messy looked like I got dressed in the dark
Mr. Herbert in a suit was appraising our projects
First Bob who built a cyborg out of common household objects
Next Zelda who made a rocket and shot herself into space
Then Dick who produced DNA evidence solving the Black Dahlia case
Then Claire who spied on a Russian military base with a homemade drone
Then Poindexter who revealed he was successfully cloned

As Mr. Herbert approached me there was nowhere to hide
Nearly pissed inside my button-flies was so petrified
He took one look at my volcano turned beet red and bug-eyed
And he belittled me in front of the whole class and I cried

High school science fair experiment
High school science fair experiment

I thought for sure I had it made in the shade
But Mr. Herbert said volcanoes not accepted past the third grade

High school science fair experiment
High school science fair experiment

The look on his face was one of pure white hate
As I had a mental breakdown right in front of all my classmates

High school science fair experiment

credits

from One Day Left To Live, released December 30, 2022

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The Great Gambino Providence, Rhode Island

Rock Musician or Schlock Magician?

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